True but thats because hes a fetus.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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