Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
