woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You made out with two different species that night
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
