even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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