Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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