Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just blew my weed a kiss
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
