This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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