It's Friday. Sex?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
