You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
