You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
