which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
