Plan B is the new Plan A
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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