Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
