Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
