I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
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