Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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