Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
