I just threw up on my dentist
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Randomize
