i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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