Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
