I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
