last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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