So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
