My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
