you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
