Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Randomize
