So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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