Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
