we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
