I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
