Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
