I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
