I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Be still, my beating vagina.
As shirtless as possible
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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