I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
