Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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