I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
