I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
