oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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