I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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