mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
