If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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