WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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