We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
