the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
