he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
