he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
