Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
