How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
