If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
