and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
