Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
