he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
