I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
