Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I am midnight drunk by noon
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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